I’ve heard many people say, “Don’t worry, God won’t give you more than you can handle.” But I’ve learned from my experiences that He does. Watching my daughter die in my womb is more than I can handle. Over and over again I come to the end of my rope and that’s when I look to Him. That’s when I learn to trust Him, to lay my burden on Him, and He carries it for me. There’s nothing too big or terrible for my God to handle, but ME? I am powerless without Him. This is one of the great lessons of life I have learned from my Lucy.
I would say the majority of my days I still (even after 4 months) feel like a dead person going through the motions of life. I feel gutted. It’s so hard to care about the petty things in life. Actually, compared to losing a child, almost everything seems petty. A lot of times I look ahead at my life and I try to imagine living with this suffering for the rest of my years. It feels impossible because I’m dead inside. How can I go on living? But I’ve realized what a dangerous and misleading thing this is. A feeling of hopelessness lays heavy on me when I project the way I am feeing today onto all of my future days. One day God will breathe life back into me. My heart will heal, and I will feel joy again. God has promised it. After all, He is the God who raises the dead.
2 Corinthians 1:8,9 For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.