So, yesterday we ate dinner at a little Chinese restaurant and when we walked in, the Chinese lady behind the counter was very excited about my boys. Her eyes lit up and she said, “They so cute. Aw, two boys. No girl?” My heart sank, but another part of my heart leapt up to defend my daughter’s existence. “Yes, I do have a baby girl, but she’s in heaven.” The poor woman’s English was not quite what I thought it was. She looked so confused. “Heaven? Baby girl?” And then she looked back down at the boys, baffled and feeling kind of awkward, poor lady. I should have just let it go, but no. I lived in Korea for over two years and I am very comfortable playing charades as a method of communication. I started trying to act out “dead baby girl” and pointing to the sky and explaining that heaven is where dead people go and that’s where my girl is. I could feel Josh trying to shrink into the background next to me as other customers started watching the charades show. It ended with the lady saying, “Heaven?” and shrugging with a “I have no idea what you’re talking about” look on her face. Then she asked what we wanted to order. I felt like a crazy person. I do think the lady sensed that I was trying to explain something important and something sad, probably from the defeated look on my face as I was trying to order food that I had little appetite for. After we ate, she brought the boys some watermelon slices and patted them on the head and smiled at me. It was sweet, but I had a hard time pulling out of the sadness fog for the rest of the day. I miss my girl.