This was one of the first posts I ever wanted to make. I think I started writing this post in my head the moment I saw Lucy’s beautiful, lifeless body. It’s only taken me about 6 months to post it.
As I have said before, several days before Lucy died I knew she wasn’t doing well. She wasn’t kicking or moving at all. The days leading up to her death were almost as bad as the days following her death. The day before we went in for her second blood transfusion (that never happened) I finally allowed myself to face the possibility that I was about to experience a stillbirth. I wondered if I would get to look at my baby, if I was brave enough to look at my baby who was still developing. Was I brave enough to look at my dead baby? I imagined them just wrapping her little body in a towel or a generic hospital blanket at best and handing her to me. I was terrified. I had no idea what she would look like. The next day my baby girl died and the day after that she was born still. They asked if I wanted to see her and I said, “Yes, of course.” They took her away to clean her up. I was so shocked when they brought her back. She was lying in a little white bassinet. She had a sweet little yellow dress on and a tiny hat on her head. Under her head was a little heart shaped pillow. She also had a hand-made blanket wrapped around her. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. She was clothed with dignity. Someone (an amazing organization called Threads of Love) had recognized that this was a life, a person, someone’s first baby girl. She wasn’t just medical waste, she wasn’t just a fetus, she wasn’t just a part of my body. She was Lucy Dair Weathersby, my cherished, loved, dreamed of, prayed over little girl. As I said in Lucy’s Story, I couldn’t believe how perfect she was, only half way through the pregnancy. She looked just like her Daddy and resembled her big brother, Asher, after only being in the womb for a little over 19 weeks. She had perfect little hands with my long fingers and tiny, perfectly formed fingernails. I couldn’t believe that any woman would choose to end her own child’s life, that it was legal to kill a baby, like Lucy. So many doctors worked so hard to save Lucy. Thousands and thousands of dollars were spent trying to save her life, but if I had deemed her “unwanted” I could have had them end her life.
I have put this blog post off again and again because I don’t want it to seem political and I don’t want to offend anyone. I have very little interest in politics. I am proud to consider myself neither republican nor democrat. This post has nothing to do with politics and everything to do with the beauty of life. The beauty of EVERY life. My Mom always reminds me to “Speak the truth in love.” I want to speak this truth in love. Before now, I had trouble loving and feeling compassion for women who have had abortions. I have never understood how the “right to choose” can be stronger than the instinct to love and protect your baby, your own flesh and blood. But now, I truly feel a love and compassion for those women that I never thought possible. I know they must be in a horrible situation to think of abortion as the solution. I feel so sad that they are tricked into thinking that ending their pregnancy is just ending their pregnancy, instead of ending the priceless life that’s blooming inside them. They are deceived into thinking that choosing abortion is the easier way out. I feel so deeply sorrowful for them as they have to recover from the loss of their baby with the knowledge that they stopped their baby’s heartbeat.
Coming from someone who has seen a developing baby in real life, can I just say, it is a life. No matter how far along you are, that baby is a miracle in the making. It was heartbreaking to see my daughter still in the process of being formed, but it was also beautiful. It was beautiful to see her Maker’s handiwork. Every part of her echoed His skill, His attention to detail, His love for her, His genius. Every baby is a gift. Every baby is made in His image. If you are considering an abortion, please, reconsider. You are setting yourself up for a life of heartache and guilt and you are ending your child’s life. If only you could peer inside your womb and see the intimate details of your baby that He is creating. If only you could see the plans that God has for your baby’s life. Also, on a selfish note, I know what it’s like to lose a baby and it is heart wrenching. Whether your baby’s life ends as a stillbirth, a miscarriage or an abortion, you are still a Mommy losing your baby. It will leave a life-long scar on your heart. A woman who loses her baby through abortion is not exempt from the pain of losing her child. I would do anything to be able to go back and save my Lucy and my baby Jude and save myself from this pain. I never could have even thought up this kind of pain before experiencing it. Save yourself from the worst pain imaginable. If you are trying to choose, choose life. You will not regret it.
Here is evidence of a Mommy who loved her baby enough to choose life.
This is Lottie, the baby that has been prayed for by hundreds, who has been waited for for years. Her birth mother is my hero, who not only chose life for her baby, but chose the BEST life for her baby. Her Mom is my friend, who struggled with infertility for five years and now has her arms full of life.