This morning I sent Liam to preschool with a note for his teachers explaining that he has a baby sister named Lucy who was stillborn earlier this year. This week his class is discussing, “My Family.” His teachers know he has a little brother, but they don’t know that he has a little sister. I didn’t want them to be confused when he started talking about his baby sister in heaven. I cried the whole time I wrote the note. I should have been breastfeeding Lucy and getting her dressed this morning instead of writing a note explaining to Liam’s teachers why he might be talking about his dead sister at school. It was a very hard way to start my day.
Every day brings new challenges, new surprise hurts. Every morning I wonder what new heartache will confront me that day. Another negative pregnancy test, another person asking how many children I have, another pregnant belly, another Mom calling for her daughter Lucy in the store, another newborn baby, another beautiful baby girl dress in the baby clothes section, another family with two boys and one girl, another friend who lost her baby. Every night I feel relieved and accomplished because I conquered all those challenges and I survived the day. This past weekend, I went and saw a movie with my best friend, Shelly, and it was a movie with no babies or pregnant ladies, so I was excited. I felt relaxed and confident and then, as we walked into the theater, I saw a woman walking in with her newborn baby. There went my confidence and excitement and I sat through the movie with the newborn in front of me making cute little newborn grunts and cries. It was very frustrating, but I made it through the whole movie.
I am thankful that God’s mercies are new every morning and His love is constant. Even though I can’t predict what hardships will confront me, I can be confident that His love will always be there to sustain me. He knows what every day holds and He promises to provide enough strength to get through all the challenges for that day.
Lamentations 3:21-24 But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in Him.”
*Right after I posted this I checked Liam’s school calendar and realized that this isn’t even the “My Family” week. Now his teachers know I’m crazy.
Losing Lucy and Finding Hope 
I’m so sorry you had to write such a note:( I wish you were getting to feed and dress Lucy instead. It is so hard to have to tell people who don’t know and they hope they have a compassionate response that acknowledges the preciousness of our babies. And how funny that you sent it on the wrong week, oops! Oh well. If it makes you feel better, I sent home my show and tell calendar for the month to my whole class and put a date on it that had already passed. One of the moms wrote me a kind note gently asking if her son might have a date for show and tell that hadn’t passed yet. We are kind of in a time warp and people just have to deal with it, I say. That is a great verse. I shall add it to my comforting verses page. Hang in there, dear friend! Springs of blessings coming your way soon.
You are right, Sara. It’s so hard to be mentally and emotionally present most of the time. I ran into someone I knew at the library on Tuesday and she asked what I had done over the Labor Day weekend and I said, “I have no idea.” I couldn’t remember the weekend at all.
Yes, Bethany, I bet Mrs. Kathy and Mrs. Kelly think you are just bonkers..NOT REALLY! Hey, some moms just throw our preschool calendar in the floor board of their car and never know anything that happens there. So you are doing great! And by the way, if either of his teachers ever come to me and ask about “this sister in Heaven?” I will tell them how I heard that Lucy was a precious angel and that she was perfect even down to her sweet little fingernails. And that Liam’s mommy is an unbelievable inspiration to me and that she is an awesome mother and that I pray that she gets to mother lots more children b/c they would have a terrific example set before them!..that’s what I’d say.
Ha ha, thanks Leslie. You are so sweet. Thank you for telling me I’m a good mother. I really needed to hear that 🙂