This morning I sent Liam to preschool with a note for his teachers explaining that he has a baby sister named Lucy who was stillborn earlier this year. This week his class is discussing, “My Family.” His teachers know he has a little brother, but they don’t know that he has a little sister. I didn’t want them to be confused when he started talking about his baby sister in heaven. I cried the whole time I wrote the note. I should have been breastfeeding Lucy and getting her dressed this morning instead of writing a note explaining to Liam’s teachers why he might be talking about his dead sister at school. It was a very hard way to start my day.
Every day brings new challenges, new surprise hurts. Every morning I wonder what new heartache will confront me that day. Another negative pregnancy test, another person asking how many children I have, another pregnant belly, another Mom calling for her daughter Lucy in the store, another newborn baby, another beautiful baby girl dress in the baby clothes section, another family with two boys and one girl, another friend who lost her baby. Every night I feel relieved and accomplished because I conquered all those challenges and I survived the day. This past weekend, I went and saw a movie with my best friend, Shelly, and it was a movie with no babies or pregnant ladies, so I was excited. I felt relaxed and confident and then, as we walked into the theater, I saw a woman walking in with her newborn baby. There went my confidence and excitement and I sat through the movie with the newborn in front of me making cute little newborn grunts and cries. It was very frustrating, but I made it through the whole movie.
I am thankful that God’s mercies are new every morning and His love is constant. Even though I can’t predict what hardships will confront me, I can be confident that His love will always be there to sustain me. He knows what every day holds and He promises to provide enough strength to get through all the challenges for that day.
Lamentations 3:21-24 But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in Him.”
*Right after I posted this I checked Liam’s school calendar and realized that this isn’t even the “My Family” week. Now his teachers know I’m crazy.