Merry Christmas in heaven, baby girl. Today is a hard day for me because it is the biggest celebration of the year, but it is hard to celebrate without you here. All I want for Christmas is you, but I can’t have you right now. Last Christmas we thought for sure that we would have three children around the Christmas tree in 2013. Your Grandmama even gave you a Christmas present last year. A little shirt. I never imagined that that shirt would be your only Christmas present ever. Your absence is felt in our house on this day, and it is so painful.

Buying Christmas presents for your big brothers was hard this year. My heart ached every time I had to walk past the pink aisles full of pretty princesses and baby dolls and dresses. I wanted you so very much, my only girl. Your Daddy and brothers did too. Our house is missing all the pink that was promised when we found out you were a girl.

Our hearts are heavy this Christmas, but I know yours is not. I am thankful that you are in the best home imaginable where every day is a celebration. Every day is Christmas for you, and it’s all because of Jesus. Tell Him I said thank you, so very much. Because of Him I have hope. Also, tell Mary I said thank you, too, for giving up her baby so I could keep mine forever. Her sacrifice has not escaped me, this year especially.

Lucy Dair, I love you with all of my heart, even all the broken pieces. Enjoy your first Christmas in heaven and know that I am counting the days till I can have you for eternity.

Love forever, Mommy