Thank you, Jesus, for getting me through this year. I never thought I would make it. How did I make it? With God all things are possible. What a year it has been. As my cousin Valerie said, “I have been praying that God would let this be the worst year of your life.” Please, Lord, let it be. Surely He wouldn’t trust me with a year that is worse than this one. When I first started writing this post I felt a bit sad about being so happy that 2013 is over because this is the year I met Lucy. But Lucy is not in 2013, and neither is Jude and neither is Pax. They are in heaven and heaven is in my future so I can say good bye to 2013 and good riddance.
When my days are over for good and I am looking back on my life I know there will be two distinct parts: Before 2013 and After 2013. I am praying that God doesn’t have more suffering for me in 2014, but if He does, I know He will get me through it and there will be a 2015 after that. I read this verse the other day and it stood out to me.
Acts 1:7,8 He said to them, “It is not for you to know times or seasons that the Father has fixed by His own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you…”
Never in my wildest dreams did I think this year would happen like this. When I rang in the new year one year ago I had beautiful dreams of welcoming my daughter into our family in 2013. Jesus got to welcome her instead (which is ACTUALLY a much better scenario for her.) And instead of a beautiful year, He had a year of loss and suffering for me. This was a year of sowing in tears, a year of hard work and planting and not seeing much fruit, only barrenness. And who am I to question His timing? He has the authority over my life and He fixes my seasons the way He thinks they should be. Whatever He has for me in 2014, I know it will be accompanied by the power I have received through the Holy Spirit. That’s the same power that raised Jesus from the dead. COULD I handle another 2013 if He chose to give me one? Yes, because I have His power strengthening me and giving me courage and hope and patience.
What if your 2014 turns out to be like my 2013? If you know God and His spirit dwells in you, then you have nothing to fear. And all these days of tears will be used to grow something beautiful and one day He will restore our fortunes. Maybe it will be in 2014, maybe 2024, maybe in heaven, but HE WILL DO IT.
When the LORD restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dream. Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, “The LORD has done great things for them.” The LORD has done great things for us; we are glad.
Restore our fortunes, O LORD, like streams in the Negeb! Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.
Great post. I ended both 2012 and 2013 with sadness and loss. Although I have hope that 2014 will bring happiness and new life, you reminded me that no matter how it goes, God will be with me. I am going to continuing to pray for amazing year for you and all of angel mommies.
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You are so right, friend. Hopefully this new brings those new blessings and good changes, but if not, we can do it because God has helped us do it before.
Just before I read this, I had a phone conversation with one of my dearest friends who has cancer for the third time. She is in pain about 90% of the time. She calmly asked me if I would speak at her funeral. I am amazed at her peace and trust in God. She knows that the future will bring more pain and, eventually, death. God has given her amazing strength, just as He has given you, to endure the pain and become stronger and more Christlike through it. He loves us and will always come to help us. I love you and your babies. Mom
Your faith is inspiring. ❤