For the next four days we are keeping two little boys while their parents are out of town. The oldest is two and a half, just a few months younger than Asher, and the youngest is one and a half, just a few months older than Lucy would be. So we have a one year old, two year old, three year old and five year old- all boys, too! We kept them a couple weeks ago as well and it is surprisingly refreshing for me when they are over here. It feels so right to have a baby in the house, to feel him in my arms. Of course they are a lot of work, all four of them, but it is the most rewarding work ever. I love being on my feet all day, meeting their needs. I love to see the boys’ bedrooms covered in toys.

I’m even enjoying the tedious things like changing diapers and cooking for them and washing their clothes. It is so sweet to look at our table at meal times and see every chair filled up, just how I imagined my table would be one day. (These boys are also extra fun because they like to eat the weird stuff our family eats, like kale chips, raw vegetables and zucchini spaghetti.)

Having these boys over has reminded me of how Lucy has changed me as a mother. I used to stress out about small things, like being loud in a doctor’s office, big messes, crying fits that seem to last for hours. I have learned that experiencing those things is a blessing. Things that used to be inconveniences to me are now privileges. Sometimes I will catch myself feeling frustrated when we are late and the boys are taking FOREVER to get in their carseats, and then I think, “I will never get to put Lucy in her carseat or look in my rearview mirror and see her chubby face, or get her bulky, awkward to carry carseat out of the car.” Some people never get to experience parenthood and would love to have a baby to wake them up in the middle of the night and to steal all of their time. I know how blessed I am to have two to parent here on earth, and I know that I will be a better parent to my next baby because of my losses. We can’t wait for the day that we get to have our baby in our house every day, making messes, waking us up in the middle of the night, going through ten diapers a day, pulling all the books off the bookshelf and destroying the Christmas tree. But for now, I will enjoy these four little guys and appreciate all of their giant messes and meltdowns and especially the little footy pajamas that I get to put on them every night.