Today is our baby Pax’s due date. It is also Father’s Day and my Dad’s birthday, a loaded day, full of emotion. I was so excited to have a baby due on “Grandbarry’s” birthday, to have a fifth child. I always wanted five kids. Before I would commit to dating Josh I asked him if he wanted at least five kids and he said he did. I never could have imagined that one day, we would have five children together, except three of them would be born into heaven. Regardless, I am thankful for the five little people that God has given me to call my own. All of them are special, all of them are deeply loved and all of them had their days written out in God’s book before even one of them came to pass.
I always thought Pax was a boy, although I won’t know for sure until I get to heaven. I wonder how Pax is feeling today in heaven. I have a suspicion that he might be saying something like, “Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to skip all the pain, darkness, sadness and sin, and letting me to come right to paradise. I am so blessed to be one of the lucky ones.” Who knows? Today might be a huge celebration for Pax in heaven. How beautiful that he never had to experience sin or pain, rejection, worry, loneliness, hunger or tiredness. I am glad that I never have to worry about the wellbeing of my babies who are not with me. I know they have been given a better life than the ones I got to keep with me.
Baby Pax,
I love you so much and I miss you every day. Your Daddy misses you too, especially today, on Father’s Day. You are our answer to prayer, and one day we will get to celebrate you like we hoped we could here on earth (but I know it will be so much better there.) Your big brother Liam prayed so many times for God to give Mommy “two lines” on her pregnancy test, and you are our beautiful answer to that prayer, our gift that we don’t get to unwrap until heaven. We can’t wait to meet you, to know who you are, and to let you show us around your amazing home. You were so wanted, you are so loved, and one day I’m going to cover you in kisses. I am so blessed and so proud to be your Mommy.
Losing Lucy and Finding Hope 
We are sorry that we will not meet Pax here on the earth. But it makes heaven sweeter and more dear to know that he is waiting for us there.
I’m glad that the last of your due dates has passed for this year. It stinks that it had to line up with Father’s day and your dad’s birthday. (my dad’s birthday was the day before father’s day–close to your’s.) You are so right about our babies in heaven having it better than us here on Earth. That is so comforting. I can’t wait to see your spectacular, huge heavenly family!