I have had vivid dreams since I was a little girl, and often my dreams come true. This may sound crazy and ridiculous to some people, but it’s true. As I grew up I realized that God was using these special dreams to tell me things or prepare me for something in the future. Sometimes I think He uses them to tell me that He knew back then and He knows now and all of this is part of His plan. Often, I don’t know why He gives me certain dreams and A LOT of them are meaningless and random. Many of my dreams don’t come true, but some do in amazing ways. I think it is so special that He occasionally uses my dreams to communicate His love to me.
Sorry if this is a repeat. I think I’ve mentioned this one in my blog before. About two years before I met Josh I had a vivid flash of a dream about my son. He was about two years old with white blonde hair. He had his shirt off and was standing on a curb. I felt like God told me that I would have a son. He looked just like Liam and Asher when they were little.I had a few more dreams about my future baby boys, and many of them came true. I always thought it was strange that God only gave me one dream about my future daughter, and it was a baffling one. Years before I met Josh or even dreamed about my sons, I had one dream about my baby girl. I was lying on the hospital bed, giving birth. When she came out her skin was a strange reddish brown color. I was thrilled to have a daughter, but there was a sense of something being very wrong in the dream. Then I woke up. I had a passing thought that maybe I was going to marry someone of a different ethnicity and my daughter would have darker skin. Now I know that the dream was about Lucy; my daughter that came out with reddish colored skin because she should have still been developing in my womb instead of being born when she wasn’t ready. How strange that He knew all those years ago about the tragedy that I was approaching, closer and closer every day. I wonder if His heart ached back then for the pain that I would go through. I’m thankful that I have such a strong God, who is able to shoulder the grief of the world. I whine about not understanding His ways, but do I really want to know all the things that He has to know? I couldn’t bear it.
There are some dreams that are yet to be fulfilled, but I am expecting them to be one day. These dreams bring me so much joy and hope. While I was pregnant with Lucy I prayed all the time that God would tell me if she was going to live or not. One night I had a quick flash of a dream. Josh was facing me and was holding a baby out in front of him. The baby was facing Josh, so I couldn’t see the baby’s face. I couldn’t tell if it was a boy or a girl. Josh’s eyes were alight with joy and he was smiling into the baby’s face. He was absolutely in love with that baby and his face was full of pride. The baby had such a cute bald head that was covered with the finest layer of blonde peach fuzz. The dream made me so happy. I hoped it was Lucy, but never felt confirmation whether it was or not. Now I know that it wasn’t Lucy, it was some other baby. But that dream is so amazing to me now. God used it at the time to comfort me because He knew I needed to see that we would have a healthy baby. He knew that when we lost Lucy the doctors would tell us to never try again, that we should just be thankful that we got two. God knew how much it would mean for me to have that promise, that we WOULD have another baby one day, even if it wasn’t Lucy. And He had the wisdom not to show me back then that the baby Josh was holding in the dream wasn’t Lucy. I couldn’t have handled that knowledge while I was pregnant with her and fighting for her. He knew exactly what I needed two months before losing my daughter.
After I lost Lucy I had a very vivid dream of my future son. He was tiny and was swaddled in a blanket. He was looking up at me and his forehead was all crinkly with concern. He had a tube down his nose and taped to his face, but other than that, he seemed healthy. He was so cute and his name was Ransom (not saying that will be my son’s name, but it was in the dream.) He had a small face, like Liam does, but his features were more like Asher’s, big downturned eyes. I can see his face right now, clear as day, and I believe one day I will hold him in my arms. I can’t wait.
I have had a couple of dreams about our next baby. I started having them before we decided to adopt. Several times I dreamed of breastfeeding my new baby and it was always a peaceful, comforting dream. About a year ago I dreamed that I was in a hospital meeting my new baby. Instead of being in the hospital bed, I was in a comfortable arm chair and a woman gently placed my baby in my arms. It was a girl and I was SO excited. I shouted out, “It’s a GIRL! And she is BREATHING!” Then I was in the hallway talking to every single person that walked by, calling out, “Come look at my new baby. It’s a girl and her heart is beating and she’s breathing and she is ALIVE!” My heart could have burst it was so full of pride and joy.
There are several other dreams that I am waiting to see come true. I am truly thankful for a God who cares so much about me and my future. All of the worrying I do about my future is in vain. He already holds all of my days in His hand. He has it all planned out and the best part is that He will be with me every step of the way.