Full Circle

I feel like I have come full circle and I’m back where I was a year and a half ago, clinging to God in desperation. After Lucy died and all of our dreams of future children died with her, I struggled to breathe, to even exist. Every minute was painful. I wrote a very simple sentence on my hand that reminded me that I could keep living and that I was indeed, safe.



I found myself writing this same sentence on my hand this morning, for the first time in over a year. It was kind of a big step for me because I’ve struggled to trust Him for the past several months as I work through my grief and anger. But now, here I am again clinging to Him in desperation, begging Him for help. Things with the adoption are not going quite how we planned. We are kind of in the dark right now and don’t exactly know what is going on. Part of me wants to completely freak out and lose my mind in worry. It is important for me to remember a few important facts, though-

This is not my baby (yet.)

This is K’s baby and she can decide whatever she wants.

It is my job to support K in whatever she does decide.

God has K, P and baby S in the palm of His hand.

God has it all under control and He is still at work.


Last year when I wrote that simple sentence on my hand in an act of pure desperation, it was because of the tragedy that had just happened, the loss of my daughter. Today I write it in anticipation of what will happen over the next couple of weeks. Baby S is not my daughter right now, but my love for her has grown in my heart for months and months, and in Josh’s heart and the boys’ too. We love her so much, we WANT her so much, but she is not ours (yet.) It is a really weird place to be and we don’t really know how to act right now. Please pray for us, for baby S and especially for K. We all need your prayers so much.

8 thoughts on “Full Circle

  1. Such a hard place to be in. I struggled with trust for so so long and it’s not fun to feel like you have to make an effort to trust the Lord. I believe in you, and I am trusting with you through this process. So many hugs! Praying!

  2. You are doing great. There’s no way that God could see all you are enduring while still clinging to Him and not reward it. You must be stronger than most because He has.asked you to endure more than most. I am so eager to see your blessings finally overflow and to celebrate with you.

  3. I also posted this on Facebook.

    I found an article that may answer some of our questions regarding adoption fraud. If Alabama does not have any laws to protect families against wrongful adoption, then I will make my way to Montgomery. Here is an excerpt from the online article:

    Adoption fraud, also known as “wrongful adoption,” refers to any form of intentional misrepresentation or illegal act by someone during the adoption process for the purpose of personal or financial gain. Perpetrators of adoption fraud can include adoption agencies, facilitators, birth mothers and, in some cases, potential adoptive parents.

    Typically, in adoption fraud cases, the adoptive parents claim that they were wronged by agencies which failed to provide them with a child’s full background information – thus depriving them of the opportunity to make an informed decision as to whether to adopt. In other cases, adoptive parents are “scammed” by online birth mothers who promise the adoption of their babies to more than one family in return for financial support, travel expenses, and other pregnancy-related costs.

    Adoption Fraud Laws

    Most states do not have laws aimed specifically at punishing adoption fraud. Instead, these states punish adoption fraud as a felony charge of theft by deception – punishable by fines or jail time (up to 20 years in prison in some states.)

    Other states, such as Indiana (which has an adoption deception statute), make it a misdemeanor for a birth mother to accept adoption-related expenses from more than one prospective adoptive parent or agency, or to accept money when they have no intention to give up their child. Under these laws, prospective adoptive parents may sue the birth mother for more than several times the amount of expenses paid.

    – See more at:http://family.findlaw.com/adoption/adoption-fraud.html#sthash.i3XY9XxL.dpuf

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