So, you’ll never guess who contacted me this week…Kailee and Peter, baby “Scarlet’s” birth parents. The last time one of them contacted us was October 11th before the baby was born. After that, they completely cut off communication with us and ignored all of our attempts to contact them. Apparently they just now read my blog and the only reason they contacted us was to threaten to sue us if we didn’t immediately take down their names. I’m not surprised that they don’t want other people to know what they’ve done.
This post isn’t really about whether I took their names down or if they are going to sue me (they can’t, legally.) This post is about what I’ve learned from Kailee and Peter’s betrayal and how God has brought good out of it.
It was hard not to respond to their emails out of anger and disgust. I wanted to defend myself and point out all of the terrible things they did and completely lash out at them. I ALMOST wrote that email, but right as I was about to I heard a quiet voice telling me to sit and listen first. It’s hard to sit and be still and listen to God when your blood is boiling with “righteous” anger. I did, though, and I read these verses and they quieted me:
Psalm 37:7-9 Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret- it leads only to evil. For those who are evil will be destroyed, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.
Proverbs 29:22,23 An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins. Pride brings a person low, but the lowly in spirit gain honor.
Do not fret. Those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land. What a burden lifted, what peace I have, knowing He will defend me. Revenge usually feels like the best choice, but forgiveness is so much sweeter. I forgave them already and because of that I am not eaten up with bitterness or hurt. Honestly, until this week, I have barely thought about them since last fall. I can focus completely on my family and give Liam, Asher and Nora the gift of a peaceful, happy Mama.
Not only have I realized how much peace comes with forgiveness, but I have also been able to see God’s providence clearly this week. When we first found out “Scarlet” would not be ours we were devastated. I not only felt betrayed by Kailee and Peter but I felt a bit betrayed by God too. Even though I was shocked at the evilness and cruelty of K and P, I could rationalize that they WERE human which means they are sinful and have the free will to do what they want. But how could I rationalize God allowing more tragedy in our lives, especially when we were just trying to obey Him and help people? I chose to trust Him anyway, a hard thing at the time. I still don’t have all the answers to my questions, but this week, after listening to Josh (the gentlest, kindest man I know) tell me about Peter’s angry voice mail on his phone, and after reading Kailee and Peter’s barrage of emails, I found myself thanking God that my family is not tied to these people for the rest of our lives. I am so relieved that I can just ignore them and that I don’t have to deal with them anymore. I have realized how grateful I am that God allowed our adoption to fall through. If we had adopted that baby, Nora would not be here today, kicking and growing and showing us all the power of God. If the adoption had worked out I would have continued breastfeeding and Nora never would have been conceived. We would have had to interact and communicate with Kailee and Peter for the rest of our lives. THE REST OF OUR LIVES, and the fact that I can now move on and our family never has to be affected by them again is a gift from God. Is it possible that all of those prayers that I prayed leading up to October, begging God to be good to our family, to BLESS us and to give us our baby girl might have been answered with a “yes” all along? When I was asking Him over and over again to protect our family from more tragedy, He knew the hearts of Kailee and Peter and He knew the best thing for our family was to break our ties with them. And maybe the very moment I thought God was betraying me was the moment He was giving me exactly what I asked for.