This morning I had my post-op check up to make sure Nora made it through the first 24 hours after the IUT safely. Thankfully, she looked wonderful on the ultrasound. She is head down and very low and I’m still having contractions everyday. If I didn’t know my body better I would think it was preparing for an early birth, but I have learned my lesson. With both of my boys I had regular contractions every day starting in the second trimester. I never was able to go into labor on my own, even after my due date, and was induced at 41 weeks. Even though Asher, especially, was over-ready to come out, my body did not go into labor. I doubt Nora will come until she is forced out, hopefully at 38 weeks.
After my appointment I had a quick tour of the NICU to become acquainted with it before I give birth. It was a surprisingly relaxing place to be and I’m excited about my Nora being there. I feel so blessed to be able to have a LIVE baby in the NICU!
Since Nora was being so still at her check up we were able to get some 3D ultrasound pictures of her. She has some chubby cheeks and a cleft chin like mine. I can’t wait to meet her face to face! As the ultrasound technician handed me the disc with all of Nora’s pictures on it, I had a flashback to another ultrasound technician handing me a different disc full of 3D ultrasound pictures. Except that baby girl was someone else’s, I just didn’t know it at the time. It was only nine months ago that I drove all the way down to Dothan, AL to pick up Kailee and then I drove her all the way to Florida to get 3D ultrasound pictures of “Scarlet.” (Kailee wanted to have them done in Florida, saying it was cheaper.) It was Liam’s first day of kindergarten, which I missed so that I could be there for Kailee and “Scarlet.” It was so strange to sit there and watch some other person have the wand roll over her belly, to hear the heartbeat and see the baby roll around on the screen but not feel any kicks or punches. It was the first time I had seen a baby on an ultrasound since Lucy died and it was extremely difficult for me (even though it was also wonderful at the same time.) It took me back to that day when her heart stopped and our world crashed. I tried to focus on the fact that the baby on the screen was my daughter, my rainbow baby. It felt strange, honestly. No one acknowledged me as the mother to be. The ultrasound technician probably just thought I was a friend of Kailee’s. I tried to love “Scarlet” as if she was mine, but I knew that she wasn’t mine YET and so I held back a special part of my heart. I kept it intact, but ready. I was ready to give her my whole heart as soon as she was mine. Now I know she never was mine. Today I had no problem looking at that screen and giving my whole heart to Nora. She IS mine already. I got to feel all the rolls, kicks and punches from the inside. What an unimaginable gift! Everyone acknowledges me as Nora’s Mommy already. Thank you, Lord, for this redemption and restoration that you have given me. Thank you for my rainbow baby who has my chin and the cutest mouth. I am blessed beyond belief.