Well, that happened a lot faster than we expected but here I am, nine weeks and four days pregnant. Baby is due on our anniversary and my mother in law’s birthday, October 21st. Since it took at least 13 months to conceive Nora and I just turned 36 we thought it would take us a long time to get pregnant. I read online that it takes a year and a half for the average 36 year old to conceive. We were shocked to see two pink lines so quickly. It felt unreal, like something that happens to other people, not me. We are so thankful for this baby’s life.
The first night after I got a positive test I was overcome with anxiety. I didn’t tell Josh, just wanted to sit with the news by myself for a bit before telling anyone. The whole night it felt like I was wrestling with demons of fear, anxiety and doubt. I absolutely could not sleep. My mind went through all of the terrible things that happened to Lucy, all of the intense treatments and procedures I would have to go through, the worry I would have to live with day after day while this baby is in danger in my womb, the fact that some people will think we are ridiculous for wanting another baby, the cost of the medical treatments, all the times I will have to ignore my boys and my Nora to focus on taking care of this baby. SO MUCH FEAR. And then suddenly, words of hope came to me and I shouted them into the darkness in my mind, “And my God lightens my darkness. For by you I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall.” And the voices of fear and anxiety and doubt immediately were silenced. Peace washed over me and I have been filled with an incredible peace about this baby ever since. I actually had to google the words the next morning to see if it was a real verse and it is from:
2 Samuel 22:29-37 For you are my lamp, O Lord, and my God lightens my darkness. For by you I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall. This God- His way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; He is a shield for all those who take refuge in Him. For who is God, but the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God? This God is my strong refuge and has made my way blameless. He made my feet like the feet of a deer and set me secure on the heights. He trains my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your gentleness made me great. You gave a wide place for my steps under me, and my feet did not slip.
Josh and I have been praying specifically that this baby would be kell negative and that God would fill us with peace throughout the pregnancy. We have also been praying that God would not only give me courage to get through the pregnancy, but would allow me to actually enjoy the pregnancy since it will be my last. Just a couple of weeks after we found out we were pregnant our church had a “healing service” which wasn’t anything weird…they just called people who needed healing to come to the front for prayer if they wanted to. I felt compelled to go to the front even though no one knew about my pregnancy yet. Josh and I went to the front and I was prayed over by a few people. The main one who prayed for me was a woman who had lost a baby to full term stillbirth. She prayed over me for a couple minutes and then said, “I feel like God wants me to tell you that you will be filled with peace throughout this pregnancy and He wants you to ENJOY the pregnancy.” What a sweet word from God and confirmation that He has been hearing our pleas.
I want to write more but I’m out of time. Tomorrow I will have surgery in Atlanta to have a chest port placed and a neck catheter placed. The neck catheter will be for my upcoming plasmapheresis treatments and my port will be for my IVIG treatments. Please pray for peace and courage for me. During my last pregnancy the worst, most painful part of the entire pregnancy was the surgery to insert my permacath. The doctors changed their minds at the last minute and decided they didn’t want to give me any pain meds during the procedure. It was an excruciating, panic filled procedure. Please pray that they will give me appropriate pain medication this time and the baby will tolerate the procedure. I’ll try to update after the surgery and write a blog post with more details about my treatment plan.
Thank you so much for joining us yet again on another crazy pregnancy journey. We can’t wait to see what God is going to do.