It has been a while since I’ve updated the blog! Usually I am faced with the choice to either neglect the blog post I want to write, or neglect my kids and of course, my kids will always win in that situation. But I do desperately want to keep blogging. I still have so much to say. Part of me is super frustrated that I don’t have time to write lately but another part of me loves the fact that I’m so busy taking care of my babies that I don’t have time for anything else. I’ve also been working more (teaching English to German kids) so that leaves me with even less free time to write, but I am loving my job so much! Hopefully as Callum gets older and more independent and when Nora starts preschool in the fall I can have more time to write.

I feel like the last couple of posts have been kind of heavy so I would like to just do a normal life update. Callum is six months, almost seven months old already! He is such a sweet baby and is always super happy if he isn’t having reflux/tummy problems. His reflux and food intolerances have dominated our lives for the past several months. After a lot of trial and error and sleepless nights we now know that he reacts to dairy, soy, gluten, beef, tomatoes, peppers, oats and mint. I have cut all of those things out of my diet (Callum is breastfed) and he is now so much happier. He has an appointment with a pediatric allergist this coming week to do some tests and figure out exactly what he can and can’t eat, now that we are introducing solids. We also finally found the right medication for his acid reflux (Nexium) and it is helping a lot. Before we made those changes Callum would scream in pain and have very painful reflux. He spit up constantly and could never lie flat on his back because the acid would immediately come up his throat and hurt him. Diaper changes were painful because we had to lay him flat on the changing table and he would always end up screaming and choking through the diaper change. He also slept in a Rock and Play for the first six months because it kept his head elevated. Now we are finally able to lay him down in his bed, flat on his back. It is making our lives so much easier! Besides all of that, Callum is very healthy and meeting all of his milestones. He can roll over and is trying to sit on his own but still can’t balance well enough. He laughs and babbles and coos and LOVES eye contact. His eyes follow me around the room and he waits patiently for me to look his way, desperate for eye contact and a smile. His entire face lights up when I look at him or talk to him. I am his world. Almost every time he does that I think of Lucy in heaven. I wonder if she searches for me the way Callum does. I feel certain that when I arrive in heaven her eyes will find me and her face will light up like Callum’s does.

Nora is obsessed with Callum. She is only two but she can change his diaper and get him dressed. She feeds him and wipes his mouth and plays with him. Every morning as soon as she wakes up the first thing she asks me is, “Where’s Callum?” I prayed since she was born that God would give her a sibling friend and He answers those prayers daily in the sweetest way. I do have to be careful though, because Nora is still a two year old and it’s easy for me to forget that sometimes. I can’t really leave her alone with Callum for more than a minute or two. The other day she “gave him a bath” in A&D diaper ointment and then FED him the diaper ointment with a spoon while I was cooking dinner right around the corner. Here he is with shiny ointment hair (the picture doesn’t really do it justice):

He can’t have dairy, wheat, soy, etc. but apparently he can handle A&D diaper ointment just fine!

Callum’s brothers also love him and think he is the best baby in the world. They adore him and thank God for him and kiss him constantly. It’s so wonderful to be in this time of healing and recuperation as a family. We were so worn down by all of the loss and the fear of trying again and the desperate need for another baby. The high risk pregnancies were also very stressful for our family. Now we can finally relax. Our house is overflowing with kids and toys and laughter. God is rebuilding our hearts slowly but surely and exchanging beauty for ashes. When I started this blog and named it Losing Lucy and Finding Hope we were in such a dark place that I wondered if I ever would actually find hope. And here we are five years later living in that hope that God promises. I am often overwhelmed with gratitude. Just holding my warm little baby feels like a miracle. I still can’t believe that I get to watch Nora grow up and I get to know all the little details of who she is. I whisper “thank you” to God countless times a day as I go about my tasks. I often have to stop myself from emailing or texting Dr. Moise and Dr. Trevett to thank them AGAIN for what they did for us. Ok, Callum just woke up from his nap so that’s all I get to write for today. Here are a few pictures from the past couple of weeks: