Welcome to my blog. It is terrifying to write a blog, especially one about the most personal thing in your life. I now have so much admiration for anyone who has put themselves out there and started a blog. I originally started writing this to chronicle our journey through grief and IVF and surrogacy. It was also going to follow our fund raising efforts to pay for the IVF. After I started writing some posts we found out from our doctor that we might have a chance at trying again naturally for a baby. My friends urged me to still do the blog, even without the fundraising, IVF and surrogacy. I also realized how therapeutic it was to write out our journey and to see all of the amazing things God has done for us. I’m expecting Him to do something wonderful and I would love it if you came along for the ride. By the way, I do apologize that this isn’t a happy, witty blog about motherhood and children. I wish it was. Right now we are still in the “Losing Lucy” stage, but one day we hope to be in the “finding hope” stage. Most of my posts right now will be about losing my only girl and living with the grief. Also, there’s a lot of Jesus stuff in my posts. He’s such a big part of the story that I couldn’t write it without Him. Another great thing about the blog is that I can type out the medical stuff as it comes up. It’s hard to explain some of the medical things that have complicated our lives recently. It’s easier to type it out once and hopefully I can explain things better that way.
I’ve noticed that people don’t like to talk about miscarriages or stillbirth (I mean who would WANT to talk about something like that.) Some women feel like they’re supposed to keep these losses to themselves. It makes people feel uncomfortable and awkward. Before losing Lucy I used to think miscarriages were sad and that the women who suffered them probably felt better after a few weeks. I thought miscarrying or having a stillbirth was nowhere near as painful as losing a child. Now I know that it IS losing a child. It is a soul shattering, heart crushing tragedy that leaves permanent wounds. No matter how far along the woman is in her pregnancy it is still her baby she lost. I think her grief should be respected and her baby should be mourned as a lost child. I want to talk about my stillbirth and my miscarriages. The people who have comforted me the most through this ordeal have been mothers who had miscarriages/stillbirths and shared their stories with me. I hope that this story somehow can bring hope to someone who has been through a similar tragedy.
UPDATE– As the months and years go by since I first started this blog, I see how God has used it in so many incredible ways (too many to list here!) I never thought that so much beauty and hope could come out of my terrible losses. I have been able to comfort hurting people with my story and share medical information with women dealing with antibodies during pregnancy. Lives have actually been saved because of this humble little blog, and it is not any of my doing. It is all God, and I am honored to be used by Him in this way. My own family has been held up during our darkest days by the words, thoughts and prayers of my amazing blog readers. Thank you to everyone who has visited my blog and actually read some of it (this still amazes me!) and to those who have been with me since the very beginning. You bless me more than you know.