Yesterday we had another MCA scan to check Nora’s anemia level. On Tuesday it was 1.18 and by Friday it was 1.32. This is a pretty big jump in a short amount of time so it makes me nervous. I never know if it’s just a random high reading or if it’s the beginning of a rising trend that will end in a IUT (intrauterine blood transfusion.) These are all of her MCA scans so far:

Feb 9  – 1.3-1.48
Feb 13 – 1.27
Feb 16 – 1.34
Feb 20 – 1.16
Feb 24 – 1.18
Feb 27 – 1.32

When I look at the big picture I feel a little better since she seems to bounce around a lot between 1.1-1.4. The cutoff is 1.5 and when that happens she will need the transfusion. Babies who need transfusions before 20 weeks have more risks and a lower chance of survival. Today we are one day shy of 18 weeks. Will you pray that Nora hangs on and doesn’t get anemic until she is bigger (or not at all!)

Lately I have been very stressed out and anxious, trying to pack for Houston and imagine how all of this is going to work out, how our family will deal with this upheaval, how Nora is going to survive this. I had to go through the baby girl clothes and pack a diaper bag since I might not be back in Alabama before I deliver. And how do I pack for a preemie or a micro preemie? What do you need for a two pound baby or a four pound baby? Do they even wear clothes? Do they just stay in their bassinet under the warmer or what? I have no idea, this is all new to me. I also was packing the diaper bag thinking about what I might need if Nora is stillborn. It breaks my heart to even consider it but it is a possibility. I packed some snuggly blankets, hats and hair bows for pictures. Seeing the sweet newborn outfits and the tiny diapers is so hard, not knowing if I’ll ever get to put my daughter in them. The weight on my heart is heavy as I prepare for this trip. My mom, Asher and I will leave Alabama on Tuesday, March 3rd, Asher’s fourth birthday and drive all day to Houston. My first appointment in Houston is Wednesday at 8:45 in the morning. Please pray that Nora has a LOW MCA scan on that Wednesday and shows no signs of hydrops. Please pray that Liam is ok without his Mommy for such a long time. The boys are going to miss each other so much.

With all of this uncertainty and stress I am even more aware of the underlying steadiness of God in my life. He is the bedrock, the unmoving foundation that supports me and I am so thankful for His strength. This is HIS story, after all. He is writing it, He is working out the details and He is completely in control. I can trust Him. If there’s anything my baby Nora is teaching me throughout this whole thing it is that I have to trust in God and leave it all up to Him and that is where I find my peace. I have to give her back to God over and over and over again. Every time I walk into that ultrasound room I have to hand over my baby to Him and say, “She is yours, take care of her.” Because I can’t on my own strength. And can I tell you, it is so freeing to finally let go of control and realize I am not the one calling the shots, He is and He is trustworthy. His mercies are new every morning. He will provide all that I need (and all that Nora needs) for that day and that is refreshingly comforting.

Lamentations 3:22-23 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Can I challenge you today to just let go of whatever it is you are trying to control and let Him have it? Lay your fear at His feet and rest in His ability to take care of you. His faithfulness is great, His love is steadfast, His mercies are unending and they are new every morning (that includes today!)