Devastated

This adoption story does not end well. We have lost our “rainbow baby” yet again. I cannot believe I am writing this post. What I envisioned was a beautiful post about God’s amazing redemption and love for me and our beautiful new daughter, Scarlet Mae Weathersby. Instead, I will be telling the most heart wrenching story of how this adoption failed and how our hearts were broken, yet again.

The birth parents, Kailee M. and Peter M. picked us in May and have been telling us since then that we would be Scarlet’s parents. Kailee kept in pretty regular communication with me, often texting several times a day. Since we met her through the internet, Josh and I were very careful of making sure it wasn’t a scam and that she wasn’t just trying to get our money. She had placed a baby boy for adoption last year, so that put our minds at ease some. She seemed sincere and we had a good relationship. We drove the four hours down to Dothan several times to hang out with Kailee, Peter and her two children that she parents. Our visits always went well. She convinced me that she had looked long and hard for “the perfect family” for this baby and was so glad she had found us. Even the last time we were down there at the end of September (my parents came down to meet her with me) she told me that she wasn’t very nervous about the birth part or signing the papers, but the hardest part was finding the perfect family. She told me again how glad she was that she had found us. Several times she also told me she was afraid that we would change our mind, and I assured her that we wouldn’t. I told her I was afraid that she would change her mind and her exact words,”I can tell you till I’m blue in the face, I won’t change my mind, but the bottom line is you just have to trust me and I have to trust you.” Yes, we trusted her. We took the leap. We prayed long and hard for God to show us what to do. We knew the risk and we felt like Scarlet was worth it. This baby needed to have a chance at a beautiful life with us. I feel good that we gave her that chance and we did all we could for her. But back to the story. Kailee basically took all of our money, although we never gave her money directly. She didn’t work (not sure why) and so we were left with all of her bills to pay- rent, utilities, food, gas, etc. All of this is legal in Alabama, by the way. We ordered her pizza when she wanted it. We gave her so much of ourselves. We gave her so much love and we trusted her. I thought we were close. She even asked me (not that long ago) if I would be the godmother of her two children and I said of course. She was the ultimate con artist, apparently.

Kailee told us from the beginning that she was going to go to the OBGYN, but she never went. Every week that went by we stressed, we worried and we prayed for the baby and wondered if she was ok. After having a high risk pregnancy and stillborn baby, it was hard to stand by and do nothing when Kailee would not go to the doctor. She only went a few times to the ER when she was throwing up. I took her once to a 3D ultrasound to see the baby and confirm the gender. Besides that, she had no prenatal care, or if she did she never told us about it. It was so hard to pray and ask God to take care of Scarlet for us and just trust that He would. It reminded me so much of when I was pregnant with Lucy and prayed and begged God to take care of her. It was frustrating to know that Kailee COULD go to the doctor, but just wouldn’t. It was out of our control as was most of this “adoption.”

Everything was going fine as far as we could tell and then after October 11th we got no more texts from Kailee. It worried us. I felt deep down that something was very wrong. I tried to give her space, thinking maybe she was just working through all the emotions and dealing with the last hard days of pregnancy. I didn’t want to pressure her or overwhelm her. But the days went on and on and she never contacted us. I texted, I called, I emailed, but no reply. I even sent a card in the mail begging her to just let us know if she was ok. We never heard from her again. Josh finally got in touch with Peter and he said they had had some marital problems and he hadn’t heard from Kailee either.

Today, Josh decided to try to see if there was anything he could find out on the internet. He found his way to an adoption page that Peter or Kailee (whoever was on Facebook that day) had liked. It was a gay couple from California who had just adopted a baby girl “Ava Mae” from Dothan, Alabama. And there on the computer was the baby I had fallen in love with on the 3D ultrasound. She looked just like Kailee, we knew it was her. Her two dads were thrilled to have her, cuddling her and posing with her for lots of proud pictures. Apparently she was born on October 12th, the day I stepped out on a limb and posted this post, making predictions about the baby’s birth date and weight. Peter confirmed later that yes, she was born on the 12th and Kailee had picked a different family. We have no idea if she picked them at the end or at the beginning of the process. We have no idea if she had other families out there who she was deceiving into thinking they would be adopting this baby. She always did seem to want stuff from us to handle her life expenses, but never seemed particularly concerned about the baby. It was shocking, really, how little her adoption plan seemed to be about the baby and how much it seemed to be about what she could get out of it. It is shocking also, to see that the baby kept our middle name, Mae, which I picked to honor my grandmother, the one who’s mother I had honored with Lucy’s middle name, Dair. They could have at least come up with a different middle name. I am livid, honestly. I probably should do a better job in this post of being loving and forgiving, but right now I feel so angry and hurt. If she truly just changed her mind she could have at least told us so we wouldn’t have been so worried this whole time. I have been pumping breast milk every 3 hours around the clock to make sure I’m ready for this baby when she arrives. Kailee could have at least had the decency to explain to us that she had made a new decision and it did not involve us being Scarlet’s parents. How cowardly. I shudder when I think about all the money that we lost, all of YOUR money that you donated to a baby that we won’t get. To everyone who donated in order to make this adoption possible, thank you, from the bottom of our hearts. We appreciate every one of you and we are praying that God will bless you for your generosity and kindness. We are so sorry that we lost the money. We are embarrassed and heartbroken. We truly prayed through every decision along the way and felt like we did everything God wanted us to do. We did our best. We took a leap of faith. We knew the risks of trusting someone else with the deepest longing in our hearts. It was a risk for me to induce lactation, knowing the baby might not be ours in the end. It was a risk to tell the boys that when the leaves on the trees turned scarlet, their baby sister Scarlet would be here. It was a huge risk to buy a van for our third child, to set up her whole nursery and buy a Halloween costume for her. Everything is ready for her. Her bassinet is ready and waiting next to my bed, all of her clothes are washed and hanging in her closet. Our freezer is FULL of breast milk I pumped for her. The gift basket for Kailee is all ready and sitting on our dresser. We filled it with so many sweet things so that she wouldn’t leave the hospital empty handed and would feel loved and important. We ordered this beautiful necklace for Kailee and dog tags for Peter that say, “Forever in my heart, Scarlet” and a cute baby bracelet for Scarlet to remind her of her first parents.

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I could go on and on about all the sad reminders we are left with, all the empty spaces where she was going to be, but I’ll stop here. I have no idea how to end this. I don’t know how to move on from this new heartbreak. I don’t know how to trust God after this and it will take a long time for me to forgive Kailee for her deceit, her dishonesty and her cowardice. I do know that we are not giving up. We will keep trying, we will run hard after our God and we will continue to praise Him, even when it feels like He has let us down.

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31 thoughts on “Devastated

  1. I cannot “like” this post! I am brokenhearted for you! This happens all too often these days and there are no laws to protect prospective adoptive parents like you and your husband! I am soooo sorry! God will bless you with a third child! Keep turning to The Lord in your grief! I am just so sorry!!!

  2. I am so, so sorry Bethany. I cannot believe this. It is so cruel to not even tell you after she was born and given to someone else. Holding you in my heart. This is a nightmare scenario, and you have already had to endure too many nightmares. My heart breaks for you.

  3. My heart is so sad now for you, Josh, the boys, the rest of the family, and us. Our hope for this baby girl has been shattered. But we still know what is true–that God cares about us and He will help us. 2 Corinthians 4:8,9 “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed”
    Mom

  4. I can’t believe this has happened to you both, two of the most caring and loving people I’ve ever meet. My thoughts are with you all in this time of sorrow and anger. Love you.

  5. I have been following your blog since I found it after experiencing a miscarriage this summer. Your words have been a blessing to me for several months. Please know that my heart breaks for you and your family. I will keep you in constant prayer.

  6. I am so sorry this young lady took advantage, deceived, and disrespected you and your family so. This is such a horrendous and traumatic experience, after all you’ve been through. God, I am so upset and heartbroken by reading this story. Praying for you and your family!

  7. There are no words….. My heart is breaking…. I can’t get you out of my mind or heart….. Praying like crazy…..

  8. You said she didn’t have a job but she did. Her “job” is getting pregnant and stringing along parents that desperately want children, getting all the money she can from them along the way. There is no telling how many parents she promised that baby to and how much money she got from each of them. There are probably other parents out there, just like you, grieving over losing this same baby. You said she gave up a baby boy for adoption last year…. she will be getting pregnant again and doing the same thing to other parents next year. You need to call the police and report her. Then, call your local paper and do an article on her. (front page if possible) Also, give her full name and address to EVERYONE you know, including to the ones on here reading your blog, so that other adoptive parents may get the word and avoid this horrible woman. She has to be stopped! I am so sorry this happened to you. It makes me furious.

  9. We love you, Bethany and Josh. I think everyone who cares about you feels the reverberation of this betrayal very deeply. Knowing all you have been through, we feel so protective of you and marvel that anyone could knowingly crush a hope and expectation so beautiful and fragile. We are mourning and crying with you today, my friend.

  10. My heart is breaking for you at this moment. I broke down into tears as I read your story. As a birth mother myself, I cannot understand morally how someone can deceive people like she did to you. I can understand changing her mind, but be honest and talk to you! Be a responsible, mature adult. This lady sounds like a con artist. However, God tells us not to judge others. The best that we can do is to pray for her that she will find the error of her sins. We also can pray for you and your family that you will find peace and forgiveness for the birth mother eventually. Then, we can pray for the baby that she is in a good home, being raised with love. The adoptive parents of my son had this happen to them after they brought their second child home. Our hearts and souls are crushed, but God will heal and provide a loving Blessing when the time is right. God has plans for your family. They may not be what you think, but they will be rewarding in His own path. I will keep you in my prayers.

  11. I also posted this on Facebook.

    I found an article that may answer some of our questions regarding adoption fraud. If Alabama does not have any laws to protect families against wrongful adoption, then I will make my way to Montgomery. Here is an excerpt from the online article:

    Adoption fraud, also known as “wrongful adoption,” refers to any form of intentional misrepresentation or illegal act by someone during the adoption process for the purpose of personal or financial gain. Perpetrators of adoption fraud can include adoption agencies, facilitators, birth mothers and, in some cases, potential adoptive parents.

    Typically, in adoption fraud cases, the adoptive parents claim that they were wronged by agencies which failed to provide them with a child’s full background information – thus depriving them of the opportunity to make an informed decision as to whether to adopt. In other cases, adoptive parents are “scammed” by online birth mothers who promise the adoption of their babies to more than one family in return for financial support, travel expenses, and other pregnancy-related costs.

    Adoption Fraud Laws

    Most states do not have laws aimed specifically at punishing adoption fraud. Instead, these states punish adoption fraud as a felony charge of theft by deception – punishable by fines or jail time (up to 20 years in prison in some states.)

    Other states, such as Indiana (which has an adoption deception statute), make it a misdemeanor for a birth mother to accept adoption-related expenses from more than one prospective adoptive parent or agency, or to accept money when they have no intention to give up their child. Under these laws, prospective adoptive parents may sue the birth mother for more than several times the amount of expenses paid.

    – See more at:http://family.findlaw.com/adoption/adoption-fraud.html#sthash.i3XY9XxL.dpuf

  12. I am so sorry, when I first starting reading your post I thought that she just couldn’t let the baby go (my heart was sad for her thinking she didn’t know how to tell you) but when you said she gave the baby to another family, ugh…a feeling like disgust came over me.
    I know it’s way to easy to curl up in a ball right now and cry and you have every right too, but you also have many reasons to smile… you are a mom too 2 extremely beautiful boys who are healthy and full of hugs & kisses that they are more then willing to give you.
    Sometimes we just gotta sit back, Let Go & Let God.
    Get some extra hugs & kisses from your boys today, and if you really want another baby you keep trusting God,

  13. Such a despicable and disgusting individual. I also suspect she will continue to do this regularly as her lifestyle. She’s probably on government benefits as well.

    I’m not religious and my advice won’t be to “let go” or “pray”. It will be to RUN to the media with your story and get your local legislators involved in order to reform some of your state’s adoption laws. You can’t write a happy ending for yourself, but you CAN prevent others from experiencing heartbreak at the hands of heartless people.

  14. I am so sorry for your heartbreak. I honestly feel that you will end up with a baby in the very near future and the birth parents will be normal people. Perhaps, God gave you this tragic story to tell in order to help you get in touch with your child to be. I am very sorry.

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  16. I have come across your blog and have really thought about writing this reply. I cannot sympathize with you because I have never lost a child or been in your situation. But I empathize with you. My heart hurts so much for your family. I can sympathize with being deceived and used by these same two individuals. I too never realized two people could be so evil and so heartless. I continue to pray for them and in the end everything will work out the way God has planned.
    Praying for your family.

    • Oh my goodness, thank you for your comment. I can’t believe you were deceived and hurt by them too. I am so sorry. I often wonder if they have hurt other families/people too and if there is anything I can do to prevent it. I would love for you to email me (if you want.) I have a couple questions for you. My email is bethanysk55@yahoo.com

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