Lucy means “light” and when my Lucy left, she took all the light with her. I was plunged into darkness. This past year I have felt like God has been leading me through the dark. Can you picture it? We’re in the deep, dark woods that are full of unknown dangers. The ground is uneven, full of underbrush and huge roots jutting out of the earth. God walks ahead of me, gripping my hand, pulling me forward whispering, “Trust me. I can see, even though you can’t. I won’t leave you in the dark.” I have been holding tightly to His hand while I stumble through the dark. I trip often and fall. I get hurt and the pain is excruciating. It feels like He is leading me into danger, the unknown. I strain my eyes. I beg Him for the dawn to come, but still He walks on, leading me in the pitch blackness. But He never lets go of my hand. I can’t see Him, I only see the darkness, but I FEEL Him- holding me up, strengthening me to go on, and promising me that light is ahead.
I can feel the dawn coming. It’s still dark and scary, but I can sense the light about to break forth. If you’ve ever watched the sunrise you know that it doesn’t happen at an exact moment. The changes in the light are so subtle you don’t notice them even if you’re straining your eyes, trying to see. I have been straining my eyes to see the light of hope and joy, but it is still night. I have been straining to see God’s plan in the light of day so that it can make sense, but all I see is darkness. This past weekend as I was listening to another couple share their story of adoption and redemption I started sensing that the dawn is coming. I heard Him whisper, “It’s almost here. Keep going, the light is just ahead.” I heard this couple talk about their own journey through the night and how dark it had seemed right before the dawn. And now, looking back, they see God’s plan so clearly. It all makes sense and it is so PERFECT and BEAUTIFUL. I saw them standing in the blinding warmth of God’s plan coming to fruition. Even though He still has me stumbling through the night, I noticed this weekend that I am starting to make out shapes in the darkness. My night is changing and it is not getting darker. The dawn is coming.